Columbo spent the majority of his screen career operating as a lone wolf, a maverick who worked best alone when unencumbered with inferior minds.
However, no man is an island and the good Lieutenant regularly required assistance and support to close out some of his trickier cases – often from sources outside the confines of the LAPD itself. From irate teens and ex-cons to hookers, hippies and even royalty, Columbo’s inherent qualities allowed him to strike up many an unlikely allegiance in order to see justice served.
Just who are the Lieutenant’s unlikeliest allies? That’s what this article is set to explore. So sit back as I outline my top 10 choices for the strangest bedfellows of Columbo’s career…
Margaret Williams – Ransom for a Dead Man
Peevish teen Margaret understandably feels like the world is against her when it looks like her hated stepmother Leslie is getting away with the murder of her father. Only the dishevelled Lieutenant Columbo seems to share her view of the situation, leading to an unlikely alliance stoked via brief meetings at a cemetery and a chilli haunt.
Although their relationship doesn’t run entirely smoothly (Margaret attempts to clobber Columbo when he calls her out for falsifying evidence), the two end up in cahoots on a high-risk scheme that sees Margaret terrorise Leslie in her own home to secure a cash payment to return to boarding school in Switzerland. When the cash ends up being a match for the ransom money Leslie snaffled up earlier in the epsiode, the lady lawyer faces a one-way ticket up the river.
Dorothea McNally – Undercover
A scantily clad, ribald, alcoholic, part-time hooker from Smack Alley ought to be the sort of dame to tie Columbo into a self-conscious tangle, but the duo forge a swift and unlikely alliance within a 10-minute window of opportunity.
Seeking for intel on the whereabouts of photographic puzzle pieces that will reveal the location of a hidden stash of loot, Columbo slips Dorothea a few $20 bills to buy her compliance (and next bottles of booze) and ends up with two puzzle pieces for his troubles – a giant leap forward in his case. By the end of their brief dalliance, Columbo is suitably smitten by Dolores to plant an unasked-for smacker on her lips! Quite what Mrs Columbo made of it all when her man got home smelling like a whore’s boudoir has never been revealed…
Joey the chimp – Death Hits the Jackpot
More than just representing an “aaaaahhhhhh” moment for the animal-loving viewers out there, Columbo’s pally relationship with the pet chimp of a dead man’s neighbour will have a material outcome on the bearing of his investigation.
If the Lieutenant was a CHIMP HATER, who eschewed contact with the bizarrely dressed primate, he never would have inadvertently captured Joey’s prints on his shiny police badge and, in turn, he’d never have been able to match the ape’s prints to those on the fancy dress medallion of murderer Leon Lamarr.
It pays to be kind to animals, folks. And judging by hippy Trish’s reaction to the sight of cop and chimp cuddling, it’s a sure-fire way to stoke the fires of passion of like-minded folk in your vicinity.
Mario DeLuca – Murder Under Glass
Luckily for Columbo, wide-eyed Italian waiter Mario seems to be of a forgiving bent, because the Lieutenant treats the poor lad disgracefully early on in their relationship.
Mario has recently witnessed the agonised death of his uncle Vito – a traumatising event by any standards, but more so for Mario as he speaks little English and the bulk of his family are back home in Genoa, thousands of miles distant. Columbo’s ill treatment of Mario, during which he shouts at the startled young wimp in Italian and accuses him of murder, seems monumentally cruel – whether it was all an act for Paul Gerard or not.
Columbo subsequently ruins Vito’s funeral, at which he passes around a Restaurant Developers’ Association cheque in an attempt to smoke out a lead while heartfelt eulogies are being read. Lovable Mario overcomes these slights, however, and is chummy enough with Columbo to invite him onstage to accept Uncle Vito’s posthumous honour at the Restaurant Writers Awards bash.
Audrey – Etude in Black
Precocious pre-teen Audrey and the Lieutenant have a complex relationship in which she appears to thoroughly wear the trousers. When she’s not berating Columbo for his lack of pet-tending skillz, she’s playfully querying whether he’s interested in her for her body or her mind when he sneaks in unannounced to her ballet class (yikes!).
Despite showing plenty of sass, Audrey does genuinely want to help Columbo catch the killer of her neighbour Jennifer Welles. Alas, his hopes of her identifying Alex Benedict as a regular visitor to the scene of the crime are thwarted when she instead IDs errant trumpeter Paul Rifkin. We never see hide nor hair of Audrey again…
Arthur Kennicut – Death Lends a Hand
On the surface, media mogul Arthur Kennicut and Columbo ought never to see eye to eye. With the grieving Kennicut desperate for a swift conclusion to the investigation into the death of his wife Lenore, the Lieutenant’s meandering style and eccentric mannerisms are hardly the tonic for a man of action.
However, after a dubious start to their relationship (when Columbo reads his palm and then accidentally wanders into a closet), the Lieutenant wins Kennicut’s trust and their bond becomes ever more cordial. The older man begins to defer to Columbo’s suggestions rather than those put forward by Investigator Brimmer, who is desperate to steer the investigation away from himself.
Excellent character writing and acting help forge a believable relationship between these two men from very different sides of the tracks. The best bit? When Kennicut doesn’t look up the exhaust pipe when Columbo hints he might have used a potato to put Brimmer’s car out of commission ahead of the thrilling gotcha.
Goldie – Blueprint for Murder
Force of nature Goldie is unlike any Columbo character we ever meet – and she sweeps the Lieutenant into her circle of trust on their first meeting when she appears “practically naked” in front of him after a massage.
As a rule Columbo is wary and uncertain around provocative women, but Goldie gives him no choice but to build a meaningful relationship as she rollercoasters her way into his life and investigation, throwing her full support behind him in the process. Even though she slyly tries to guide Columbo’s actions through the planting of a blood-stained hat, the two never fall out and she’s a very public ally when chips are down after Columbo’s digging up of a building pile fails to turn up Bo Williamson’s corpse.
Among the many highlights of Goldie’s awesome appearance are her promise to love Columbo “to death” should he break the case. And even though she’d never appear in another Columbo episode, I like to think that Goldie was as good as her word, and that the two enjoyed a lifelong friendship after the events of Blueprint were a distant memory.
And the big three…
3. The King of Suari – A Case of Immunity
The archetypal example of Columbo’s ability to connect to both Prince and Pauper, the Lieutenant’s swift bonding with the King of Suari ensures that murderous diplomat Hassan Salah will face justice for a double homicide.
Quite how, when and where Columbo and the King cook up their secret plan to ensnare Salah isn’t revealed to the audience. However, the pint-sized royal clearly has sufficient rapport with the detective to agree to participate in a classic bait-and-switch in which he appears to leave the country in his private jet, only to secretly double back to the sumptuous Suari Legation and lie in wait for the sting operation to unfold.
Smugly believing his diplomatic immunity will protect him from any consequences of his crimes, Salah is only too happy to admit his guilt to Columbo once the King is safely out of the way. Little does he suspect that the King is simply hovering off-screen and ear-wigging in to every treacherous word. Promising Salah swift justice under the Suari legal system he espouses to cherish, the King manoeuvres his First Secretary into a dark corner where his only option is to waive diplomatic immunity and submit to Columbo’s authority.
It all ends with the King flashing a cheeky thumbs up to the Lieutenant – a visual symbol of the camaraderie he feels between the two.
2. Artie Jessup – A Friend in Deed
Another shining example of his everyman charms, Columbo’s ability to first placate enraged ex-con Artie Jessup and then make an ally of him represents empathetic police work at its best.
In the hands of just about any other cop in the LAPD, the pressure cooker situation when Jessup feels Columbo is trying to lay the blame on him for the murder of Margaret Halperin and Janice Caldwell could have gone hideously awry. Columbo, however, turns the situation on its head, calmly but directly opening up to Jessup and making it very clear that he needs his help to capture the real killer.
The pair’s off-screen plotting leads to the delicious sting operation that will lead to the downfall of murderous police commissioner Mark Halperin – and Columbo rewards Jessup by allowing him to be there to see it all happen after so many other officers were only too willing to let the serial burglar carry the can for crimes he didn’t commit.
1. Vincenzo Fortelli – Strange Bedfellows
The Lieutenant making a pact with the mob in order to secure the confession and submission of his chief suspect? That could only happen in the ‘new Columbo’ era, and is is the method taken by Columbo to finally outflank tubby gambler Graeme McVeigh.
Conspiring with mob boss Vincenzo Fortelli, Columbo cooks up an act which will so terrify McVeigh that he not only admits to a double homicide, but also reveals the location of a key piece of missing evidence that will absolutely link him to them.
However, before he gets to this point of desperation, McVeigh is physically abused and mentally tormented by gangsters and fully believes his own extinction is imminent. We’ve seen Columbo stoop to some devious acts to conquer in previous decades, but working with the mob to close the case in this fashion is surely the most immoral action he is ever involved in.
That’s my list done and dusted, gang. Do hit me up with your own suggestions in the comments section below. There are several other contenders that could have been included (namely little Stevie Spelberg and his robot mate MM7), so if you believe there have been any glaring omissions please sing out! On the subject of strange bedfellows, my long overdue episode review of Strange Bedfellows the episode will be the next post published on the blog. HURRAH!
As a final aside, if you missed the announcement at the end of last week that my book The Columbo Companion is now available to order, you can find out all the details (plus links to online stores) right hither. I’m really proud of it, and hope you’ll enjoy it too!
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Fun article, but I think Joyce the photographer from “Identity Crisis” should have made this list. It’s a really fun interaction, and she’s the one who finds the photograph with Brenner in it.
great
Good list. My favorite collaborator with Columbo is Arte Jessup. The Lieutenant always seems to be at his humane best when dealing with down-and-outers, even if, like Jessup, they are criminals. He seems comfortable and guileless in their presence, his real self. This is in contrast to his relationships with the social elite (who almost always commit the murder). With them, he’s putting on a front the moment he walks onto the murder scene.
The writing in A Friend In Deed is particularly good because not only are both aspects on display in the episode (Jessup in contrast to the odious corrupt police commissioner), but the plot hangs on bringing them together, playing one against the other. It’s always satisfying when Columbo brings down an entitled, arrogant murderer, but it’s doubly satisfying when he works with a lowlife to do it.
The social/class aspects of Columbo are one of the driving forces of its lasting quality.
Same here. A Friend in Deed is my favourite episode in multiple respects, and this is one of them. Of course Columbo comes from a fairly humble background himself, which explains why he seems so at ease around ‘lowlifes’ like Artie – I suspect more than one of his old acquaintances may have ended up in a life of petty crime.
Great list, as always. Your no. 3 and no. 2 were my no. 2 and no. 1, respectively.
I loved King Hamid Kamal and the way he was played. A man well raised, no doubt, to find value in a simple detective like Columbo. And just enough of a King to promise a brutal end to Salah upon returning home.
Artie Jessup I feel is Peak Columbo in his ability to be a great detective. He puts a three-time loser at ease, shows he honestly believes him and gets him to help him catch the real killer. We actually cheer for Jessup a little because of the person we see in him through the eyes of Columbo. The wind-up and the catch is one of the best.
One honorable mention; the mob Muscle Freddie who gives Columbo the “Capo Tutti De Copo” card. Although he doesn’t elicit the help (Freddie offers it), he’s willing to exchange information with him, which ultimately brings about the capture of the real killer. Freddie shaking the hand of Columbo and Columbo giving the card back to Freddie is a nice touch at the end, a respect from Crime back to a man they can’t stop, cheat or beat.
Goldie – always Goldie – is a fav of mine. I’d point out that tho she did plant evidence; she also provided evidence indirectly. Markham produced a copy of the will & gave permission for Columbo to examine that Columbo didn’t have to wait for thru official channels / requests to obtain. His showing up with that & bullying Goldie was a self-reveal that confirmed Columbo’s suspicions even more. So – Goldie, always Goldie!
Great article and perfect choices! These are my faves:
Goldie: queen of sass
Margaret: Goldie Jr.
Audrey: Goldie in training
Savvy baby. Savvy
Waiting on tenterhooks for your full-scale write-up on Strange Bedfellows – as a lifelong Chicagoan, I wonder if you’re aware that it’s based on true Chicago criminal case (look up the Jayne Brothers somewhere if you don’t believe me …).
Then check out Peter Fischer’s write-up in his memoir, to see just how badly screwed-up a story can get when someone somewhere gets a notion of what might be an interesting way to do something “different”.
Looking forward to it …
Mike, does Fischer get into the nitty gritty on the Columbo scripts he wrote? I never read his “unauthorized autobiography” because the title (“Me and Murder She Wrote”) suggested that his Columbo years would take a back seat.
Richard: Greetings.
Peter Fischer’s memoir is the full tour of his TV career: pre-Columbo to post-Murder, She Wrote, with many stops in-between.
Fischer covers much territory, briefly but firmly; between his Columbo chapters here and David Koenig’s book, you should have most of the behind-the-scenes intrigues at hand.
But you realy ought to get Fischer’s book, solely on merit; his career is an education for any TV buff, covering not only the hits but the misses (Blacke’s Magic, The Law And Harry McGraw, The Eddie Capra Mysteries, et al.), as well as praise and less-than- praise for the on-screen performers (some of Fischer’s assessments might surprise you).
I think that Me And MURDER,SHE WROTE, which was self-published, might be out of print by now, but you might find it at Amazon (for a scoche less than I paid for it new) – and it is worth the effort to get it.
This has been a Public Service Announcement.
PSA received and appreciated. I’m not generally a bio/memoir fan but consider me intrigued.
You can get this at Thriftbooks on line for around $26.
Dodgy as Artie Jessup’s pseudo-blackmail routine may be, the final twist of the episode is so good that I always just assume that it is somehow OK. Besides, between Artie and his milieu on the one hand and the Commissioner and his on the other, the episode gives us such a tour of 1970s LA, high and low, that the scenes that bring those characters together crackle with dramatic content. So I’d rank Artie as Columbo’s most valuable unlikely ally.
Fortelli, no. That ending is a cheat in every way. Some critic or other had a famous line in the 1970s about how disappointed the audience would be if Columbo ended one of his cases by shooting the bad guy with a machine gun. That’s just how disappointing it is when he throws away all the Columbo-style investigative tactics and goes along with Fortelli’s resolution.
While there are other episodes with no good moments at all and “Strange Bedfellows” does have a few, it is the worst episode by far. That is precisely because the good moments get your hopes up that it will turn into something like a Columbo, a hope you’ve abandoned a few minutes into “Undercover” or “No Time to Die.” But “Strange Bedfellows” teases you with a good touch here and there, only to bring it all crashing down with a nauseating thud.
Artie Jessup played his role to the absolute teeeee ! His disgust for police, his frustration with his gal, his ability to look like a free man yet still be imprisoned by himself ( just look at the way he looks at the beer glass on the bar as he twirls it !!!. He convinces me that he is a world away from a suburban bar in thought!!! .. )THAT IS ACTING .. and finally the “strange bedfellows” the two become because Artie Jessup has a CODE of honor, despite his career being illegal. He knows what he is – BRILLIANT ! Glen
Yes I agree, Artie Jessup played his part so well! He had his code of honour as you say.
Great concept for an article, and very well done as always.
In a way Peter Hamilton in Lady in Waiting is a remarkable ally since he basically condems the woman he loves. I absolutely love Lady in Waiting, but I’d have loved to watch the scene where Hamilton realises the impact of his testimony.
Beth Chadwick really should haver stuck with Peter instead of going bonkers.
I agree. She was a sympathetic character til her true colors showed thru.
Yes definitely. But I don’t think she would have ever realised what she’d lost – being in this high that she got into.
More the pity, since Peter comes across as an intelligent, hard-working character that wouldn’t have needed the Chadwicks to be successful.
Never liked ladyin waiting much a flatliner for me despite the good performances
I agree with the list. Good reading! Thank you! I liked most of the allies, except maybe Artie Jessup.
Audrey and Margaret were two of my favorites.
I have not seen some of the episodes in a long time..MeTV does not show classic Columbo any more.
You left out the hobo in the episode where Dick van Dyke kills his accomplice in the car wreck yard.
He’s only an ally while he’s drunk! When he sobers up he can’t remember anything so doesn’t manage to help Columbo’s investigation.
I really do think you have to distinguish between those who actively helped Columbo crack the case — like Margaret, Fortelli, Jessup, and the King — and witnesses who just answered his questions (like Mario and Dorothea). Lots of people “assisted” Columbo by providing him with valuable information when asked. While others, such as Goldie and Audrey, either faked evidence or sent Columbo off in the wrong direction. Were they allies or red herrings? As for Kennicut and the chimp, I wouldn’t consider either an ally; neither did much of anything.
Even Joan Hudson, as a silent accomplice to her own “drowning” in “Prescription: Murder,” did more to help Columbo nail his killer (although I wouldn’t consider an accomplice an ally). Or the off-screen “Frank, the bartender on the corner” who loaned Columbo his Shriner’s ring in “Requiem for a Falling Star”; or whoever spliced Columbo’s photos of Bart Kepple’s office into his promotional film in “Double Exposure.” Not that I would have named any of these folks here. I’m simply making the comparison.
But I would have included David and Daniel Morris from “A Deadly State of Mind” on this list. They were active co-conspirators in Columbo’s final stunt.
And isn’t it interesting how the truest of allies rendered their assistance through threats and deceit? Fortelli tops that list. The King comes in a close second. Artie Jessup played the blackmailer. I don’t think we know the full extent of Margaret’s cooperation; much of what appeared as conflict with Columbo could have been staged as well. And the Morris brothers scammed Mark Collier most effectively.
Rich’s distinction is the right one to make, so I’d add to the list Curro Rangel of “Matter of Honor”. Without his help staging the final scene, Columbo’s theory would have been just that, theory. And bonus points because Rangel was (to a degree) risking his life!
Vito Scotti’s Maitre D in “Any Old Port” was an unwitting accomplice, as he let Columbo plant the Liquid Filth at dinner. Helen Stewart was an unwilling accomplice (does being a witness count here?) in “Dead Weight”, but she eventually came around.
The exclusion of Steven Spelberg and MM-7 are clear cases of youth and android discrimination by CP. For goodness sakes, the robot walked Dog and helped crack Cahill’s alibi! What more does a hunk of metal need to do to make the list?
Was Scotti’s maître d’ an accomplice? We don’t know how Carsini’s Ferrier Vintage Port 1945 got into the restaurant’s wine cellar. Neither the waiter nor the maître d’ knew it was the customer’s own wine. Why else comp the meal?
Doesn’t Columbo admit to Carsini, in the end, ‘the waiter was in on it’?
“The wine steward was in on it.” Was this a character we never see? Because the ones we do see seemed entirely in the dark.
We dont see him, but he gets a closing credit, so I suspect the scene between him and Columbo was filmed but jettisoned.
Columbo explains to Carsini, “The wine steward was in on it,” so you’re right, not Vito, but this was definitely an inside job.
The wine steward, of course. This is my favourite episode, can’t believe I got that wrong. Thanks!
Very nice article! The king of Suari must also be the most eminent ally Columbo ever had, and the chimp probably the least. I dislike Strange Bedfellows so much that I wish Fortelli wasn’t included in this list, but he’s definitely the one that stands out – though not in a good way.
Personally I might have picked the Degas pastels from Suitable for Framing as the most remarkable allies. But then I do understand why you didn’t include them.
I haven’t seen this episode in a minute but weren’t a couple of cops in on this also, playing gangsters that threatened Columbo?
That’s right, well, they pretended to anyway.
I tried to only include sentient beings as allies! That’s why MM7 lucked out…
Wonderful and hilarious review CP. Thanks so much!